I wanted it to feel like a regular day for us. We took a short walk, I listened to your stories, you bought me chocolate, we fucked madly and later I laid in your arms. When it came to that long hug goodbye I didn't want it to end. You had no idea that it would be our very last.
"See you when I see you."
We all love it when he kisses our lips groggily as he wakes up beside us, or greedily as he pulls our hair back while we are engross in a TV show while on his bed, or sweetly as he drops us off at home, accompanied by that long deep hugs we all will soon miss. We all let him pull us on top of him, smiling as he watch us go down on him, we all let him ravage us, we all listened to him cry out to god, asking us if we like this, look at it, turn around, bend over, and then he would tell all of us to watch him while he come. We all sleep in the same puddle of sweat on warm nights, or under the same woolly blanket on cold nights, in his arms, with his thigh on our stomach, we all got woken up by his twitching and snoring, then stare at his sleeping face gently in the dark, pondering on our situation and hoping, trying not to cry because he doesn’t like it when we cry, all while trying to ensure the pillows never touch the floor (what do we do if the pillows fall off the bed? Correct, we burn them). We all ignore the same shampoo, face wash and all those other girly stuff scattered around his place, because we all know those are left by the others, just like us. We all don’t mention those newly acquired electronics, gadgets, DSLR camera, standing fan, soaps, toothbrush, tote bags, food and drinks, unwashed containers of home-cooked meals, small items that improve his life, because we all know they are gifted by others like us, since we all gave him such presents too. Most of all, we all give him the same love, one he doesn’t need or want, but we hope, direly hope from him, with every whatsapp message, every video call, every single night drive, or mall strolls, enjoying non-dairy ice-creams, accompanying him on his deliveries, and meeting his friends, every single walk around the neighbourhood, while we all let him play Pokemon, until we finally acknowledge the reason behind those knowing and sometimes pitying look everyone who knows him give us, every single time he held our hands lovingly and kiss all of us eagerly in public, every single time he asks if we want to come over.
ReplyDeleteWe all get trapped in between him hinting heavily that we are not just the one, saying he is not ready for a relationship (I can’t afford it) and swallowing all those lies he tells all of us about each other, how he doesn’t sleep around, how Tinder is just for research, how that girl is just a friend, that he doesn’t sleep with that friend with those 4 adorable kids, he doesn’t have anyone special in Sabah, and he didn’t reply to all of our messages yesterday because he was not feeling well, of course he didn’t have anyone over last night, but we always know, because when he finally got us, he never sees us more than once a week, even when he readily talks to all of us every day, because we count and take note of the brand of the condoms he keeps in the cabinet every time he invites us over, and it never tallies with our visits. And we all know, even if we were never sure if we like him that first time we met him, we are all now in love with him, and in the end, we will all cry the same tears for him, always alone, just like the ones before us…
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