I know why I loved you so much.
You never asked me to love you back.
I remember that night,
you held me close
and in the darkness I could only make out the outlines of your face.
Quietly, you asked if you take care of me always,
no matter what happens between us.
That's when I knew what love felt like.
It was selfless, patient, and unconditional.
But every boy after you
seemed to force me to love them back.
Always asking me for something I can't give.
I can't give myself to anyone.
I belong to me.
you just wanted to love me.
And then you had me.
I felt a love like yours once.
Hot, raw, volatile.
And he was like you in a lot of ways.
I found comfort in that.
That's all you were,
But perhaps God wrote a different story for me.
And the chapter where the young, naive, and foolish girl
falls in love with the insecure boy with messy hair
was written so perfectly that
these two poor hearts
will never feel such love again.
And to fall in love with someone familiar
would only leave me chasing
for something that was long left behind.
I'm not usually afraid of things.
Not afraid of getting hurt
or having to start all over.
The thing I fear most
is if I'm not able to feel it ever again.
What if he was my true love
and I pushed him away?
What if I compare everything I have
to how I felt with him?
Because nothing could ever come close.
Nobody could ever make me love them more.
But someone did come close enough
to making me look like a fool
and although he kept me only just within reach,
it made me feel better knowing that
for a little while
I could feel something.