Monday, September 18, 2017

What are you waiting for?
Or rather,
who are you waiting for?

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

A psychic once told me

He put up two fingers.
"Dua tahun", he said in a heavy kelantanese accent,
"Orang Indonesia ke Malaysia?"
To which I answered, "Malaysia..."
I figured he was asking about my boyfriend and saying we'd be married in two years.
His message was vague, it wasn't very clear what he meant.
"Dua tahun," he repeated and nodded knowingly.

I think about this incident a lot. He passed away a few months after so I never had the chance to ask him what he was trying to say. Well, it's a year and a half later and a lot of things have happened. Not long after he told me this, I broke up with my boyfriend of four years and I've been more of a mess than I have ever been before.

So this morning I was talking with my dad about what he said and maybe he meant something else? Maybe he wasn't talking about marriage. Maybe I'd meet someone. Maybe I'd get something. Maybe I'd die? I don't know... I guess all I can do is hope and pray that God has something good planned for me.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Hurry up, bub

You know when people say "There's someone out there who's made just for you, and you'll be glad it never worked out with the boys from before"?

Well, I'm still waiting for you. And I promise you, by the time you get here, I'll be ready for you. I promise you I won't be confused or detached, I won't be clingy or indecisive. But if I'm not ready, will you wait for me too?

Saturday, August 5, 2017

When we used to talk

You always knew me as a dreamer
I could talk for hours about how our future could be.
Stupid unrealistic things like
we would settle down in Canada,
you would do your residency in internal medicine,
I would be writing my Master's thesis,
our kids would be born overseas,
some dumb shit like that.

But they were always my dreams
and you never really talk much
you just listened.
And somehow my dreams became yours
and we both wanted the same things.

All we ever wanted was a life together.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

But even though I am a fool for you
Somewhere I feel deep down you want me too
You just don't want me