Tuesday, December 4, 2018

The day I laid out my terms of agreement


They say love is unconditional but choosing a partner requires careful analysis.

The day I laid out my terms of agreement, I expected you to leave. I sat for a few minutes thinking about what I had done. Anxiety was settling in. I wasn't used to asking. I was always changing who I was to fit the criteria others had and expected of me.

I felt that in order to value myself, I needed to raise my standard. I couldn't keep accepting crumbs thinking that it would be enough as long as I had someone by my side. In actuality, I knew I wanted a partner who would respect me the same. I had to do it even if it felt very uncomfortable to me.

You didn't like it at first. "We're not a match. Our values simply don't align," you stated bluntly. That was it. I knew it. I mean, what did I expect? That he would love me just like that? Just say yes, and all your wishes come true? Who would ever think that I'm worth the effort?

It took you a few minutes. Then surprisingly, you chose me over your ego. I knew you were reluctant but when you said "I want to be better for you" it was that point in time that I started to love you. It wasn't any romantic gesture or money spent, I was happy to know that you wanted to make me happy.

Though, this was just the beginning...

In the beginning of relationships, people have an idealised version of you in their head. You seem like the kind of person they'll never find again. The truth is you are so imperfect that if you came with instructions there would be a long list of cautions in the appendix: Fragile! Handle with care. Do not dry clean.

It isn't the terms of agreement you need to disclose, it should be your quirks and your flaws. Real love is when someone accepts you for who you are, not whether they can live up to your ideals.

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